On Rejection

It hurts deeply,
Your words,
Have stung me,
To an extent,
That I shall never,
Ever be able to look at anyone,
Straight in the eyes again.

A gentle 'No' could have sufficed,
I would never have bothered you again.
You launched a powerful barrage of words,
And all I did was listen,
No amount of apologies from me,
Will ever suffice, but was it a crime,
To have asked?

Have I ever hurt you?
You called me a stalker and a creep,
Went on and on,
I bear everything with silence.
Because your anger is deep-rooted.
Perhaps someday once the anger subsides,
You will choose to forgive me.

As always, good luck to you!
And I promise,
Never ever will I,
Speak or write to you again,
I have received enough,
Pain to last a long, long time!
Thank you!

700

BIG MAJOR RAMBLING RANT - BE FORE-WARNED

It's been a long journey now, the humble diary that held my jottings and scribblings found a voice through this blog. The blog has been responsible in many ways to give me solace, a place that has helped me find friends, some who have become such an integral part of my daily life that I don't know what will happen to me in their absence and continued support.

My short stories, my poems, my movie reviews, rants about the state of the government, cricket, jobs and salaries, friends and foes, back-stabbers and random kind strangers; this blog has been with me through all my personal highs and lows.

700 is a number - that my dear reader is the number of posts that have been published on this blog. If I were to integrate all my blogs that I have maintained all through these years those deleted those hidden and lost in the vast and complex world of cyber-space - the number would about 1500 posts.

I think I have reached a point - a point of no return - my insecurities, my fears, sins of the past are all coming back to haunt me. I am 31, perennially hunched, I can't run as fast as I used to; the champion kick-boxer's frame now looks like a disillusioned shadow of himself. My marriage has become a joke; relatives and so-called family well-wishers rub the fact with undying accuracy that I should have studied engineering, joined TCS or CTS, gone on-site and returned and married a sweet little Iyer girl after all the mandatory horoscope-matching!

I smile at their concern; knowing that none of them will ever dare to give me their daughter's hand!Old-age and ill-health of my mother - a problem that haunts me; even when at work; my mind is at home hoping that amma took her medication on time and is resting comfortably.

Everyday is a mad-rush to work; racing against time and the great system called Indian Railways ensures that every working day is ruined at the start by screwing up the train schedules. Somehow by God's grace I reach in the nick of time and life goes on!

There have been some postives as well; a house to call my own; an enviable collection of books and movies, a pet-dog of my own; who teaches me something new everyday; friends who I believe will help me in a crisis and the beautiful network of bloggers called The Chennai Bloggers Club.

There are so many different people here; each one has a special quality; have learnt so much from fellow bloggers; both young and old.Chennai Bloggers for Social Awareness and Action - seems to be a brilliant concept on paper - but things are not moving as envisaged! That does not deter me; I shall step in with renewed vigour and focus my energies on various wonderful projects that some friends have highlighted. Things will change for the better in good time :)

As every day brings a fresh set of challenges; I keep asking myself how can I make a difference to the world that I live in? can I make at least one random stranger happy today? I am not going to offer someone money; but can I buy someone a simple meal; help a blind man cross a road; or guide a foreign tourist through the maze of this city.

I have this desire to start afresh - a new perspective to LIFE - I do not want to be haunted or comforted by memories any more; I am not going to chase a dream that is never going to be real. I relax in the comfort that one can still live alone and be content.

I dreamt of an old man; who lay calm and quiet on an easy-chair; a couple of dogs lying at his feet.Suddenly there was the sound of a bell ringing and the old man rose gently and the two dogs followed suit following their master. The man walked slowly up to the door and asks 'yaar pa'. A familiar voice answers ' Naan dhan'- the door is opened and I see myself and then I realize that the old man was no one but an image of me in the future.

My dream broke the space-time continuum and I saw myself! Perhaps this is what life has in store for me.

Now after all this idle rambling; you might wonder has Mahesh finally broken his vow and if a couple of beers and a couple of generous shots of rum and vodka have gone in; or if Mahesh has smoked a joint? I assure you dear readers - "evalo dhan aasai patalum idhu yellam nadakadhu"!

I write this to let you know that this blog is shutting down!!!!!!!!!

I shall henceforth write and publish posts at http://teerthadanam.wordpress.com/

I know, I know, pudhu blogku ivalo build-upaa!

Vaazhkaiye oru vilambaram dhaney - some forgettable, some sweet and some special :)

Inch by Inch

Al Pacino is an actor whom I admire a lot; it was his birthday yesterday. In his honour, I present the lines from an iconic inspirational speech he gives in a movie - Any Given Sunday.


Inch By Inch speech from Any Given Sunday

I don't know what to say really.
Three minutes
to the biggest battle of our professional lives
all comes down to today.
Either
we heal
as a team
or we are going to crumble.
Inch by inch
play by play
till we're finished.
We are in hell right now, gentlemen
believe me
and
we can stay here
and get the shit kicked out of us
or
we can fight our way
back into the light.
We can climb out of hell.
One inch, at a time.

Now I can't do it for you.
I'm too old.
I look around and I see these young faces
and I think
I mean
I made every wrong choice a middle age man could make.
I uh....
I pissed away all my money
believe it or not.
I chased off
anyone who has ever loved me.
And lately,
I can't even stand the face I see in the mirror.

You know when you get old in life
things get taken from you.
That's, that's part of life.
But,
you only learn that when you start losing stuff.
You find out that life is just a game of inches.
So is football.
Because in either game
life or football
the margin for error is so small.
I mean
one half step too late or to early
you don't quite make it.
One half second too slow or too fast
and you don't quite catch it.
The inches we need are everywhere around us.
They are in ever break of the game
every minute, every second.

On this team, we fight for that inch
On this team, we tear ourselves, and everyone around us
to pieces for that inch.
We CLAW with our finger nails for that inch.
Cause we know
when we add up all those inches
that's going to make the fucking difference
between WINNING and LOSING
between LIVING and DYING.

I'll tell you this
in any fight
it is the guy who is willing to die
who is going to win that inch.
And I know
if I am going to have any life anymore
it is because, I am still willing to fight, and die for that inch
because that is what LIVING is.
The six inches in front of your face.

Now I can't make you do it.
You gotta look at the guy next to you.
Look into his eyes.
Now I think you are going to see a guy who will go that inch with you.
You are going to see a guy
who will sacrifice himself for this team
because he knows when it comes down to it,
you are gonna do the same thing for him.

That's a team, gentlemen
and either we heal now, as a team,
or we will die as individuals.
That's football guys.
That's all it is.
Now, whattaya gonna do?

Links - http://essaysfromexodus.scripting.com/stories/storyReader$1492

www.youtube.com/watch?v=R9CD7uj2TL0

The Scent of a Book

There is something about a book,
A scent of a book,
Is similar to the scent of a woman!

Every book has its own tale to tell,
A misty fragrance that makes it special.
Every woman uses a perfume that is unique.

Many a man has tried in vain,
To woo a woman and found only pain.
Sometimes I wish it would just rain.

So I could stay back home.
With a book in hand all alone.
And find comfort in a book and a cup of coffee!

As the aroma of coffee, mixes with the misty-
Fragrance of an old book and the gentle smell of wet earth arises.
I wonder - If only, she would have said 'yes'!

I would not be all alone.
On this rainy day sitting here with this book.
We could have been together and read this book in one go!

Instead all that I have -
Are some memories of a time well-spent with you.
And I keep wondering - If only you would have said 'Yes'?

Life goes on;
I don't chase women;
All I do is hunt books!

Striking a deal with some wily book-seller!
Searching for gems in some unknown street-corner!
Hoping to find a gem!

That will offer me comfort -
From the pain of your separation!
The scent of every book is unique!

CBC Wordless Wednesday Series

My first presentation in the CBC Wordless Wednesday Series, which reflects the maxim a good picture is worth a thousand words!



Picture Credit - Self shot at Dakshin Chitra - Kodak Digital Camera!

Royal Magnum Icecream Launch

Product - Royal Magnum Icecream

Venue - The Hyatt Regency - Chennai

PR company - Edelman

The Royal Magnum ice cream launch at Chennai's Grand Hyatt was a brilliant success; the programme started a bit late, but then the great spread of snacks was enough to keep me occupied! Met lots of CFG friends for the first time - Fazil, Danny, Lalitha, Kamali, Sara.

The chef spoke patiently and Cary the host took over, there were a couple of kids who were the spotlight of the show answering honestly to the questions asked by the chef!

We were made to choose from chocolate nuggets and identify the origin of the same - Swiss, Belgian or French chocolate.

Then we were given the actual Royal Magnum classic flavoured icecream bar to eat - made in Thailand and priced at Rs 75. I am not someone who is that much into icecreams, I am more of a fresh fruit and flavoured wafer chap :)!

The icecream was rich and the Belgian chocolate made the experience divine!


Then we were asked to create sundaes of our own using 5 ingredients, a chocolate sauce and the Royal Magnum icecream bars!

We chose orange cake, pepper, mint instead of rosemary, kiwi fruits and chocolate sauce to make a delightful sundae, which we named Harry's Citrus Blast / Delight - dedicated to the original angry cop Dirty Harry - Clint Eastwood :)


An enjoyable experience - thank you CFG, Edelman and Royal Magnum :)

The Liebster Blog Award

I have been awarded the Liebster Blog Award by blogger Gayathree Ganeshan. She has a way with words and I admire some of her poems! She has also written guest posts on some websites and is a singer as well!

http://gayathreeganesan.blogspot.in/2013/03/the-liebster-blog-award-is-mine.html



Essentially one states 11 facts about oneself, answers 11 questions presented by the person who gives us the award; we then proceed to set up 11 eleven questions and pass it on to 11 other bloggers.

I have tagged people for quite some time, in the recent past at least three tag-posts to friends and bloggers and I have realized that not everyone has the time and patience to sit and answer questions posted by others. Plus a few bloggers by principle do not publish tag-posts. A few I have noticed readily publish and answer tag-posts initiated by others but choose to discard my questions without batting an eye-lid.

Hence this time around I am not selecting anyone - it is an open post; every blogger is special and every blogger deserves an award!

If you wish to accept the award feel free to answer my questions!

11 Things About Me:

Crazy about books, movies, Ilayaraja, The Beatles and dogs.

Aim to make a movie some day.

Believe that TASMAC should be banned and state-sponsored alcoholism should end.

I have played Brutus, Julius Caesar and Mark Antony in a play at school! From class 10 to class 12, every year I played a character! Brutus is my personal favourite :)

I find myself more comfortable in the company of four-legged friends and young children than adults!

I love cooking but for the life of me cannot roll out a perfect chappathi.

Curd Rice Rocks :)!

I analyse movies frame by frame scene by scene and usually pin-point which scene in a Tamil or Hindi movie has been lifted from which foreign movie - this drives my friends crazy!

I believe that rapists, child-molesters and men who physically and emotionally harass women deserve to be deported to an uninhabited island and left there to rot - cut away from all civilization.

I usually remain very calm and composed even during the craziest situations; but woe betide if you anger or rub me the wrong way - I promise I will hunt you down and make you pay!

I dream of a better tomorrow where merit gets precedence over what community I was born in or what religion I practise!

Q-n-A - Gayathree's questions and my answers:

1. If you were born a saint, what would your message to the society be?
2. How did you start blogging?
3. Why do you think modern poetry is not well-recognized in the world of literature?
4. If you are to become young again and shape your career afresh, what would you choose to be?
5. What is the first thing that you would do if you wake up to find yourself (alone) stranded in a uninhabited desert?
6. What is your take on water conservation?
7. If you are in a powerful position in the government or the UN, what would your reforms be on poverty alleviation?
8. If you are born to a terrorist father, can you keep the same composure and non-violence that exists in you now?
9. If you are secret agent who is appointed with a mission to find the root cause of terrorism, what will be the first thing you will accomplish?
10. What is your opinion on the sky being blue? (NON-SCIENTIFIC)
11. State one compliment and one criticism about me deserving this liebster blog award.


Believe that God exists in every living creature animal or human; respect every living creature!

Free time at work and the necessity to write!

Poetry does not deliver the thrill of a crime-novel; publishers need to create incentives for aspiring poets and promote them! Can a poetry book see the same fanfare as the release of a JK Rowling novel????

A monk in a Buddhist monastery!

Go back to sleep!

Water, water everywhere and not a drop to drink! Re-use waste-water, ensure that your offices and residences have rain-water harvesting resources!

Freeze all black-money accounts in the Cayman Islands, Switzerland, London, Monaco, etc. and use all that money to ensure that no one starves to death. Make it mandatory for every company having an annual turnover of Rs 1 crore or more to invest 1 % per crore of their turnover towards social awareness and food-sustainability and drinking water projects!

Terrorism does not only mean that you need to carry a gun and blow up people and places; any man who does not know how to treat his wife and children with respect is a terrorist! I have suffered and seen my mother and sister suffer and my only promise to myself every single day of my life has been - if and if I ever get married I will treat the lady whom I get married to with the same respect, love and admiration that I shower on my mother and sister. If I have children they shall be showered with affection and care and never be hurt physically or emotionally! Read Roald Dahl's - 'Danny the Champion of the World' and I wish to be like Danny's dad for my kids!

Freeze all suspected money-laundering accounts! Ensure that all state and central intelligence services and the police-forces come under one unified command. Initiate a Zero Dark Thirty like operation to flush out Dawood Ibrahim. Zero-tolerance to veiled attacks on us by Pakistan and Bangladesh. Focus with the central and state governments to make the Northeastern states of India secure, as China is slowly brain-washing the people by supporting insurgents there!

Because the Lord decided that whenever you have the 'blues' just look up at the sky, the sun, the moon and the stars and thank God that these are free; smile and face every problem as it comes.

The poems are a big plus :) Nothing negative to say :) You can only improve and be a better blogger and writer :) Keep smiling, keep blogging :)!

11 questions for those who choose to answer:

Can a man and a woman just remain friends?

What ails Indian television?

If you could dedicate two hours every month to a social cause of your choice - what would that social cause be?

If someone offered to kill someone for you - no questions asked - who would you choose to be 'bumped-off' and why?

Did you cast your electoral vote?

Will you be ready to contest the elections as an independent candidate?

If God exists, why would so much of unrest and chaos still exist? Your thoughts on this!

Who are the most under-rated actors / actresses in Indian cinema!

Does another dimension of time exist? Are there parallel worlds existing on this planet that we call earth?

If you were just allowed to keep one book with you; which book would you choose?

Sometimes one tight slap works wonders instead of an hour of talking! Your thoughts on this statement!

The Writer's Dilemma

In this tag, the first participant would write the first scene of a love story. The second participant would continue the story. Likewise, 21 participants would write one scene each. It’s basically a love story with 21 chapters, each scene written by different participants. Here is the link for previous scene in this CBC Valentine’s Day



The Writer's Dilemma

It all started with a wonderful post by Bragadeesh! There was a mention of a tablog and my curiosity was piqued! I never learnt of my involvement in the whole scheme of things till Bragadeesh confirmed that I was supposed to write a chapter in the CBC Valentine's Day Tablog as well.

Since then it has been a wonderful experience reading the posts of people from various walks of life in different countries! Interesting conversations with some writers - forging the first foundations of some friendships, which I hope will last a lifetime!

My confusion started with Sowmya's post and the chandeliers falling and the bomb explosion ripping the cafe! Then VJ Eshwar created a brilliant diversion inspired by Viswaroopam! As plot after plot, twist after twist happened - Sivaranjini crafted a swift transition of the plot to Chennai and things were favourable for a super carry-forward of the narrative!

To once again complicate this tale of love Vishnu Vardhan set up a hospital scene with Ahalya battling for her life. I have read the chapter at least five times but I am still not able to get it how Ahalya landed up in the hospital - accident / suicide / life-threatening pre-existing illness? Too many questions!

Now lies in my hands the tough of task of deciding who lives and who dies! There is a strange sense of dread on what to do as one is sure to receive brick-bats and the rare bouquet for what one decides to do with a tale that is being viewed with such interest! So what shall I do, how do I continue this tale... As I travelled all over Chennai yesterday with a few members of the CBC gang - my mind was in constant turmoil - what to do, who dies, who lives...!

At Beasant Nagar Beach, I saw two newly married couples and that gave my answer to this complicated conundrum!

Mangalyam tantunanena mama jeevana hetuna: kanthe badhnami subhage twam jeeva sarada satam !
“This is a sacred thread. This is essential for my long life. I tie this around your neck O maiden having many auspicious attributes. May you live happily for a hundred years (with me).”


Getimellam!Getimellam - "Thaaliya kettungo" "Periyava yellam akshadaiya podungo"
Tie the sacred thread; elders bless the couples by showering the akshadai on the couple!

As I tied the thread around Ahalya's neck; she smiled at me; the smile that had melted my heart a few months back! It seems like an eternity after all we went through! The bomb explosion in Sweden, the mad-rush of hacking into complicated network protocols, preventing more deaths, meeting Ahalya's dad who had a mysterious past, chance encounter with Geetha on the flight, childish jealousy of Ahalya, ego-tantrums, the wait at EA mall; the phone-call that forced me to rush to the hospital, where I found Ahalya battling for her life. The doctors operating on her and she was declared to be out of danger. These scenes rushed past me like a Christopher Nolan movie in fast-forward!

At the adjoining mandapam Varun and Geetha were all smiles!

I looked at Ahalya, and Ahalya said to me "Guru, nanbavey mudiyalai le?" - "Unbelievable isn't it Guru". I nodded at her and said “Never ever leave me again.”

That's how I choose to complete my chapter!

Because I believe in a simple truth - "True love is hard to come by in real life, everyone has their fair share of heart-breaks; but never ever think that your love failed, perhaps the person whom we choose to shower our affections on - might have been a wrong choice by us! But the purity of one's love is never lost!

For someone somewhere is waiting for you! As perhaps, I believe that someone somewhere is waiting for me as well!

The next chapter in the tablog will be written by Karpagam Pugalendi. She blogs here - She writes fiction and poems and is an ardent dog-lover with a lovely Lhasa Apso; pups and an affectionate Indian mongrel!