On Rejection

It hurts deeply,
Your words,
Have stung me,
To an extent,
That I shall never,
Ever be able to look at anyone,
Straight in the eyes again.

A gentle 'No' could have sufficed,
I would never have bothered you again.
You launched a powerful barrage of words,
And all I did was listen,
No amount of apologies from me,
Will ever suffice, but was it a crime,
To have asked?

Have I ever hurt you?
You called me a stalker and a creep,
Went on and on,
I bear everything with silence.
Because your anger is deep-rooted.
Perhaps someday once the anger subsides,
You will choose to forgive me.

As always, good luck to you!
And I promise,
Never ever will I,
Speak or write to you again,
I have received enough,
Pain to last a long, long time!
Thank you!

700

BIG MAJOR RAMBLING RANT - BE FORE-WARNED

It's been a long journey now, the humble diary that held my jottings and scribblings found a voice through this blog. The blog has been responsible in many ways to give me solace, a place that has helped me find friends, some who have become such an integral part of my daily life that I don't know what will happen to me in their absence and continued support.

My short stories, my poems, my movie reviews, rants about the state of the government, cricket, jobs and salaries, friends and foes, back-stabbers and random kind strangers; this blog has been with me through all my personal highs and lows.

700 is a number - that my dear reader is the number of posts that have been published on this blog. If I were to integrate all my blogs that I have maintained all through these years those deleted those hidden and lost in the vast and complex world of cyber-space - the number would about 1500 posts.

I think I have reached a point - a point of no return - my insecurities, my fears, sins of the past are all coming back to haunt me. I am 31, perennially hunched, I can't run as fast as I used to; the champion kick-boxer's frame now looks like a disillusioned shadow of himself. My marriage has become a joke; relatives and so-called family well-wishers rub the fact with undying accuracy that I should have studied engineering, joined TCS or CTS, gone on-site and returned and married a sweet little Iyer girl after all the mandatory horoscope-matching!

I smile at their concern; knowing that none of them will ever dare to give me their daughter's hand!Old-age and ill-health of my mother - a problem that haunts me; even when at work; my mind is at home hoping that amma took her medication on time and is resting comfortably.

Everyday is a mad-rush to work; racing against time and the great system called Indian Railways ensures that every working day is ruined at the start by screwing up the train schedules. Somehow by God's grace I reach in the nick of time and life goes on!

There have been some postives as well; a house to call my own; an enviable collection of books and movies, a pet-dog of my own; who teaches me something new everyday; friends who I believe will help me in a crisis and the beautiful network of bloggers called The Chennai Bloggers Club.

There are so many different people here; each one has a special quality; have learnt so much from fellow bloggers; both young and old.Chennai Bloggers for Social Awareness and Action - seems to be a brilliant concept on paper - but things are not moving as envisaged! That does not deter me; I shall step in with renewed vigour and focus my energies on various wonderful projects that some friends have highlighted. Things will change for the better in good time :)

As every day brings a fresh set of challenges; I keep asking myself how can I make a difference to the world that I live in? can I make at least one random stranger happy today? I am not going to offer someone money; but can I buy someone a simple meal; help a blind man cross a road; or guide a foreign tourist through the maze of this city.

I have this desire to start afresh - a new perspective to LIFE - I do not want to be haunted or comforted by memories any more; I am not going to chase a dream that is never going to be real. I relax in the comfort that one can still live alone and be content.

I dreamt of an old man; who lay calm and quiet on an easy-chair; a couple of dogs lying at his feet.Suddenly there was the sound of a bell ringing and the old man rose gently and the two dogs followed suit following their master. The man walked slowly up to the door and asks 'yaar pa'. A familiar voice answers ' Naan dhan'- the door is opened and I see myself and then I realize that the old man was no one but an image of me in the future.

My dream broke the space-time continuum and I saw myself! Perhaps this is what life has in store for me.

Now after all this idle rambling; you might wonder has Mahesh finally broken his vow and if a couple of beers and a couple of generous shots of rum and vodka have gone in; or if Mahesh has smoked a joint? I assure you dear readers - "evalo dhan aasai patalum idhu yellam nadakadhu"!

I write this to let you know that this blog is shutting down!!!!!!!!!

I shall henceforth write and publish posts at http://teerthadanam.wordpress.com/

I know, I know, pudhu blogku ivalo build-upaa!

Vaazhkaiye oru vilambaram dhaney - some forgettable, some sweet and some special :)

Poem -14 - Forever

He stood in front of her house.
Waiting for her,
Hoping she would come out,
At least look at him from the window.

He waited, but in vain.
She had left him,
And gone to a distant city,
Far away from him;
Perhaps never ever to return.

He was sad,
He wondered-“You could have at least told me that you are leaving.”
She had left the city.
But she would remain-
In his heart.
Forever……

Poem - 5 - Thoughts on a Break-Up

She left me,
All alone,
After all that we had been through.

Not even a farewell,
Not even a sorry or
A thanks - all the best!

Life can be cruel!
All that I can wish you-
Be happy wherever you are!

Somewhere down the line,
Many years later,
We might run into each other.

I hope you would have the heart;
To look back at this episode;
Smile and share a drink with me!

A strange image

So many memories,
Triggered by a single image.
An image that we had imagined,
Together - hadn't we.

In the not too distant past.
A past of lazy afternoons.
Conversations, walks and some movies.
Of laughter, shared joys and happy memories.

Where did I go wrong?
That you drifted away,
Away from me.
Lost forever!

When i saw the image,
There was a tinge of jealousy,
Lots of pain and anger.
Last time when we spoke,

You said that - 'We can still be friends'.
And you stressed that I was your best friend.
Then why did you think that I was an alien and an outcast;
Who did not deserve to be at your wedding!

Was it your guilt?
Anger,ego, or did you just-
Expunge me from your memories?
I will never know the answers to these questions!

But as I always wished,
And loved you.
May God bless you
As you begin a new innings in your life!

Farewell my dear!!

Pages from My Diary

It’s been a couple of years now since I realized that she never looked at me in the same vein that I saw her. At that juncture she was supposed to get engaged to one of her classmates. Later I came to know that things did not work out and the engagement was cancelled. She never calls me or sends me a message; did her ego get bruised or did she find someone else; I will never know. Surprisingly my affections for her continue to remain in the same vein.

My only comfort is that I let her know how much I loved her. As I continue to meander about performing my duties as a son, a brother, a friend, a disciple and so on and so forth; I wonder if I will ever find someone to call my ‘own’. Even if I do will I be able to erase ‘her’ memories from my mind and heart.

Everywhere around me there are people bursting fire crackers, celebrating the “Festival of Lights” – Diwali. I wonder as I sit alone and write this – “Will someone light up my heart?” or to put it more accurately – “Will I be able to light up someone’s heart?” – Ever?

And on that pensive note, life goes on….

Lines for Whom?

I no longer smile,
I no longer cry,
I no longer look,
At your photos.

When you left me,
You took away a part,
A part of my heart,
And a bigger part of my mind.

I never realized,
You were toying,
With me and my emotions.
All the while laughing behind my back.

Perhaps I deserved this,
For trusting someone,
And loving someone,
With all my mind and heart.

All I can say is that,
The time you spent me,
Shall be treasured forever,
It might have been a game for you.

But for me-you were everything,
You were my life.
Now that you have left me for someone else.
All I can say.....

No I have nothing more to say.
But I do foresee,
Another fool like me,
Writing something similar down the line.

BACHELOR DAYS SEEM TO BE ENDING SOON!

Well the way things are going on I am likely to get engaged by June 2009. Do not ask me who the girl is? Even I don't know:) I am the Transporter[Damn Jason Statham will kick me if he reads this!]I am suppose to take one dozen horoscopes from my uncle's house to my mother.

It seems prospects of escaping marriagedom[am not sure if it is a correct word] is a prospect that is diminishing with each passing day.

Let me see!

Folks wish me luck. If everything goes on track, the first official "sighting" "ponnu pakkiradhu" ceremony might happen by the end of February.

Musings.....

I deleted your photo from my mobile phone,
I deleted our photos from my computer.
But you are stuck, nailed, and pasted to my heart.
How am I going to remove your image that's embedded in my heart and mind.

MUSINGS....

Those readers who were following the platinum ring track of my life....

An announcement....

The previous post, the poem-"Good Luck and Good Bye" is self-explanatory.
No more questions and answers.
Life has to go on......

I think I am free now. Free of all emotional bonds and commitments, the heart still hurts, but then-"You can't win them all."

So that "Special Someone" wherever you are please materialise or I am going to end up mad, drinking beer, growing long hair, wearing faded kurtas and blue denims, strumming the good ol' guitar, and singing love ballads:)

On a more serious note, maybe I should post a profile on Bharat Matrimony.Amma and Akka are circulating copies of my horoscope among relatives both near and distant.

Who knows.....
I might end up getting married by the end of 2009.

Keep you posted.....

Cheers:)

Good Luck and Good Bye

There was a guy.
There was a girl.
They were friends for long.
Somewhere down the line.
They fell in love.

They hid their feelings from each other.
Wondering what the other would think.
The guy got a ring.
Planning to propose to the girl.

He thought-
One day I am going to give it to her.
I will fall on my knees,
And propose to her.

Time flew by...
They lost contact with each other.
Both were busy with their professional lives.
The guy kept trying to meet her.

But somehow the girl no longer bothered.
He could never fathom why.
Then he got a surprise.
When she landed up at his house.

He was too surprised to speak.
She looked as beautiful as ever.
He kept staring at her confused for words.
She gave him a card, and added-

"Do come for my wedding."

He smiled at her and wished her luck.
She left and he stood dejected.
He cried for a while and then smiled.
He took out the ring and smiled again.

The wedding day dawned.
He was dressed in his finest,
And wished the newly married couple the best.
He said to her..

"I have a small gift for you."
He took out the ring,
And gave it to her.
For a moment there was silence.

As they stared at each other.
Lost for words.
Wondering why this had to happen.
She thanked him.

He said "Good Luck and Good Bye"