Tuesday, March 03, 2009

In the Name of My Father-2

Years of alcohol abuse and he continues to drink on the sly even after the doctors have warned him. A broken family, an unhappy childhood, a mother who was forever sad but nevertheless continued to toil and stayed with her brother practically doing every task in the house so that her children would not suffer. I continue to wonder at my mother's inner strength.

My father never managed to stick to one job for more than two years. The sole exception being his 18 years of service in the Indian Navy. If not for my two uncles I would have been on the road-begging to survive.

I feel like slapping my father and holding him by the scruff of his neck and ask him-"Why did you do this to us you bloody....! What mistake did my mother do to bear this tortured life? What was my crime to have suffered such a psychologically painful childhood?"

He shamelessly continues to pretend to be a great devotee of a plethora of Gods and yet drinks, utters lies, and torments us psychologically. People often ridicule me for being cynical and negative in many of my actions. I guess my father has a big role in the negative traits of my character. One good thing that his actions have done is my absolute hatred for alcohol! I am 27 and yet to have a beer!

Oh Lord! Give me patience, one of these days I am really going to end up slapping my father! His latest fad is to pretend that he is suffering from a big heart ailment and he needs to have a big surgery done. I have taken him to two different cardiologists and all they say is that he has to stop drinking and nothing else is wrong with him. He is staying with my sister and he is feeling the heat there as he is afraid of my brother-in-law who is a strict disciplinarian.

He cannot go out to drink and he feels his freedom is stifled. The only solution that I see now is to get him admitted to an alcohol deaddiction centre. But I am sure once he gets out of there he will start drinking again.

How am I ever going to find a solution and with this messy state of affairs, how am I going to find the courage to move ahead and start looking for a life-partner!

Life is too complicated!
Death is an option for the weak!
Is there a state in between?


sowmi said...

i am really sad for you
and all can think of is....
i can post a prayer request for your dad...
and i am surprised that you have not
taken even one beer...

mahesh said...

Thanks for your comment and your prayers Sowmi. We all derive our strengths from our belief in God and the hope that one day or the other things will change for the better.

Aswin Kini said...

It's been very sad to read this post dude! Believe me, all our fathers have not treated our mothers well in some aspect or the other! I can empathize with you because during some situations in my life, even I have felt doing the same(slapping my dad). I pray that you get a solution to your problems soon da. I am sure good times will be in store for you. Till then have hope. God be with you and your family.

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